I remember standing on top of these stairs 6 years ago, overlooking the city, with the Sacré-Cœur towering behind me.
Sometimes I close my eyes and feel as if I’m still there.
Looking at every detail, aesthetic or not, wondering what life had in store for me.
Today, I think about the things that people love, the things that I love, and whether they are unconditional.
I would unconditionally love Paris if it weren’t so far from home, and the people were a bit warmer.
Unconditionally love Los Angeles if it weren’t for the traffic, smog, and some if not most of the people.
Unconditionally love New York City if I could see the sky the way I see it at home.
Unconditionally love my body if I were a tad bit thinner, and possessed a slightly bigger bottom.
The pattern is undeniably clear…love is conditional…..all love? I don’t know. Most love? I’m sure.
As I’ve gone through a number of stand ins, I’ve paused and wondered, just as I did back in Paris.
What else does life have in store for me?
Will I always think in ‘if and then’ scenario’s?
If only I had loved myself, then maybe we would be still together.
If only he wasn’t so young and immature, then maybe we could give it a try.
If only he didn’t remind me of my father, then maybe something could flourish.
If only I saw a potential decline of his party mentality, then maybe we could really be something amazing.
As I make my way back to Paris, back to those same stairs, but with a different mentality,
I wonder if the question will change.
From, I like you, but with one condition……to……I like you, unconditionally.
- Paris, France (circa 2010)
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