Silhouette

One letter makes all the difference between loving and losing.
One person makes all the difference between falling or being pushed.
Growing up, I was warned about all the beating hearts I would break.
They failed to warn me about those who would break mine.
So far, the scoreboard is not in my favor, flashing a bright, unbalanced neon sign reading ‘Loser’.

Having listened to my own heart, I have found it beating to the rhythm of a slow current; crashing into intentions, bleeding from unfulfilled expectations.
My eyes closed, I envisioned a sea of doors, labeled in thought-out speculations.
Door by door, I looked for answers. Step by step, they looked for ways out.
They started just to end, leaving the blinding aroma of a silhouette.
I’ve had my share of drowning eyes and sleepless nights,
Of disappearing acts and webs of lies.
I’ve had my moment of saying goodbye to something never touched, caressing the pain of everything crushed.
‘Why’ crosses my mind more often than not, failing to look both ways.
With all the why’s, how’s, and why me’s, I’ve decided to make the ultimate decision
The decision to choose to go above myself and the patterns I’ve succumbed to
And divert those with good intentions and selfish actions
I’ve chosen to make the decision of a woman and not of a girl
To catch light of my reflection before anyone else’s.
You are all simply a shadow now, a spec in my light, a disappearing silhouette, wallowing in self-pity and regret.